


The Cycle Repeats

by Outdated_Meme



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Character Study, Spoilers for Episode: e041-049 The Eleventh Hour Parts 1-9, Spoilers for Episode: e060-066 The Stolen Century Parts 1-7, The Eleventh Hour, actually, fun game idea: In which way am I projecting my own anxieties and self doubt on this character lol, if you don't know Lup's character, skedaddle, unless you want some angsty spoilers ig
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:49:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22024375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Outdated_Meme/pseuds/Outdated_Meme
Summary: Just a small headcanon i've been harboring for some timealso, i don't know??? like i started typing one thing and it turned into another, im not going to go over it and edit because i know i'll just delete the thing, so gl reading it ig
Relationships: Barry Bluejeans/Lup (mentioned)
Kudos: 11





	The Cycle Repeats

Lup, while not being the best with emotions in general, believed that there were two different types of anger (both of which she’d gone through several times). The first type was when her eyes watered, and her voice shook. She’d ball her hands into fists and hold her own body close. The second type was when her expression was stone and holding a steady glare that could cut diamond, her voice would be sharp and loud, almost commanding.

She experienced the first type of anger when her and Taako’s aunt had died. She was so mad that she didn’t do anything about it, that she couldn’t do anything about it. Her frustration and sadness ended with her falling into heap with her back against a wall. She experienced the second kind when someone hurt Taako. They were traveling with a particularly dangerous caravan party, and Taako said a sly comment, which caused a member hit him. The twins ended up having to run away from a burning caravan, scared horses, and a handful of pissed off adults with sharp weapons. 

At the moment, however, she was experiencing a different kind of anger. A new one. One where she gripped onto her hair and tore at her own clothes in pure frustration as she paced around. She screamed into an endless void of curtains in every language she knew. She wanted to cast Prismatic Stray and burn down the curtains. Maybe even completely disintegrate the things around her. She just needed  _ out _ . What made her seethe like this was that, in the most bittersweet way, she had been. Several times.

It was the same damn thing, over and over again. The three would open a locker, maybe get through a few, before someone ultimately opened the wrong one again, causing an intense explosion. Every single time it happened, the staff splintered into dozens of pieces and, just for a second, she’d be free. She could watch small trickles of water from the natural ceiling hit the cavern’s floor, she could smell the chalky and limestone musk of the mine. She could see a fraction of her family. 

All of it was so incredibly short lived. She would be released from the prison she’d spent hours crafting just for Magnus’ dumb fuck chalice to reset everything. The four of them, or three, she supposed, would be back at the gates in front of the old podunk town again, standing before the sheriff. 

It wasn’t fair. 

She’d get so far, just for it all to be torn away from her.

This vicious cycle was almost similar to the one they'd dealt with on the Starblaster. Dying, then, in the blink of an eye, everything being reset (of course, that’s just from the deceased’s prospective). This wasn’t entirely like that though. She didn’t get to hold Taako’s hand, or kiss Barry’s lips, or receive a tight bear hug from Magnus. No kind words from Merle or a drink from Dav. She even missed ranting to Lucretia about a dope one-liner that went unnoticed from whatever it was that managed to take her down. She got a stillness. A lonely room with think curtains going of for what felt like miles. Sadness. 

That’s bullshit though. Lup didn’t  _ do  _ sadness. At least that’s what she kept telling herself as she stopped in the center of torn and charred fabrics. 

She didn’t want to allow herself to get sad. She could get angry and burn the things around her. She just wouldn’t let the melancholy of it all win. She’d start to feel hopeless if that would happen. 

_ They were inside the mine again. _

She didn’t know how long she’s been fuming and festering in her own thoughts like that, pissed off at the mine, pissed off at the town itself, pissed off at Magnus for creating the chalice, and the other two for taking her there in the first place, for Barry not finding her, for Lucretia taking just about everyone's memories. Disappointment in herself for feeling such short lived disdain for the only people who loved and cared for her unconditionally.

She decided that she had to cool off and think about anything else. Even the memory of her and Taako sitting on the grassy mound, looking over a battle that came up because of the relic  _ she made _ . Everything came back in a circle. If she didn’t make the relic, she wouldn’t be in the Umbrastaff. If she wasn’t in the Umbrastaff, she wouldn’t be furious with the people she loved. 

The elven woman sat down on the floor and took a few deep breaths. 

As it would happen, thinking about a bad thing such as that wasn’t helping her. 

Instead, she thought about how It was good that she was so adaptable. Learning patience from sitting in an umbrella wasn’t really something she wanted to do, but on the bright side, she had gotten exceptionally well at it. Well, typically. In her defense though, she’d, in the years of being in the umbrella, had never been so close to her freedom. It was okay that she was getting angry.


End file.
